Face Sitting for Beginners: Get On Up There and Enjoy the View

You love the idea of climbing up and riding your partner's mouth. Then you start thinking about where your knees go, whether you're too close and why the people in every sexy picture appear to have no joints.

Face sitting puts the person getting oral above the person giving it. Despite the name, it doesn't mean planting your full weight on somebody's face. It means you've got control of the angle, the pressure and the pace, and they've got a very good view and a very clear job. All it takes is good support, room to breathe and an easy way out.

Once that's sorted, there's plenty of room for all the confidence and filth that made you curious in the first place.

Take your weight on your legs and hands

Use a firm surface, and support yourself through your knees and your hands, in a position that you can get out of easily. Grabbing the headboard or the wall gives you something to hold on to, and that's going to come in handy later. Your partner's face and neck aren't there to carry your weight.

A pillow under their head brings them up to meet you, which takes a lot of work off your thighs. If hovering's tiring you out or your knees are complaining, pause and change position. You don't have to hold an awkward pose until somebody congratulates you. Our guide to wrist and knee comfort has other ways to reduce the strain. A stubborn knee doesn't care how sexy the plan sounded.

Keep their nose and mouth clear

The person underneath has to be able to breathe freely and move away. Agree on an obvious tap signal as well as words, because their mouth's going to be busy, and stop immediately if either of you needs space. This guide doesn't include breath restriction, and neither should your first go at this, or any go after that.

Facing their feet changes the angle and gives you different access, and some people find it easier for keeping things clear. Have a play and see which way round suits the two of you.

Knowing there's a clear signal makes everything else easier. A pause can mean fixing a pillow, changing the angle or coming up for air, and it doesn't need to be treated as a rejection. Then you can get straight back down there.

You don't have to act dominant

Some people love the bossy feeling of being up there, with a fistful of their partner's hair. Others just like being able to guide things, or trying oral from a new angle. You don't need to put on a stern voice if you'd immediately crack up.

If taking charge is part of what you're both after, keep that in the attitude and the agreed play. It doesn't override comfort, or their ability to move. "Stay right there. Use your tongue. Slower" is a perfectly good speech. Our dirty-talk guide can help if you'd like more words than that. A sentence you can say naturally beats a dramatic speech you regret halfway through.

Move your hips, it's allowed

This is the good bit. You don't have to stay still and wait to have something done to you. Rock slowly against their tongue. Find the spot and the angle, and grind on it. Rise up a little to tease yourself, and come back down. Everything about this position lets you get exactly what you want, at exactly the speed you want it.

A flavoured lube is a nice extra when someone's going to be down there for a good long while. Adam & Eve Strawberry is water-based and sugar-free, so you get the taste without the sugar near your bits, and it's safe with condoms and toys.

Let your partner tell you what's comfortable

When you're worried about being too close, it's tempting to keep asking whether everything's all right. One quick check and a clear answer beats a running apology. Tell each other about pressure, reach and comfort. Either of you can ask for changes, and neither of you has to pretend an awkward angle is brilliant to protect anyone's confidence.

And remember that a partner who's asked you to sit on their face is very, very pleased with the view. Nobody who's down there is thinking about your thighs, unless it's in a very positive way. They wanted you up there. Believe them.

Switch before it becomes hard work

If it's not comfortable, try oral on your back or side instead. Our oral-sex position guide has those alternatives. Changing position doesn't mean you've got the wrong body. Sometimes the mattress is too soft, someone's got a stiff neck, or two people's proportions just suit something else better.

Oral sex can transmit STIs, and barriers such as dental dams reduce the risk. Our oral-sex protection guide explains the options.

Keep the pleasure, lose the performance

You don't have to stay up there for the whole night. Try the part that interests you, listen to each other, and move when you want to move.

There'll probably be a laugh while you work out where a knee belongs. Good. Being comfortable enough to laugh is a lot sexier than silently enduring a leg cramp because the position looked fucking magnificent online.