What Is Shallowing? Why the First Few Centimetres Are the Best Bit

Somewhere along the way, "deeper" became the answer to everything. Bigger toy. Longer stroke. More effort. Meanwhile, the person actually getting fucked is lying there thinking, "Could you go back to where it was incredible about a second ago?"

Shallowing means focusing on touch just inside the vaginal entrance, instead of deeper penetration. The tip of a cock, a fingertip or the first few centimetres of a toy, sliding in and out and teasing that opening over and over. The word gives a name to something plenty of people already love, even if they've never announced it across the bedroom.

No complicated position required. No need to buy the biggest dildo you can carry home.

Shallowing means just inside the entrance

What matters is the location. Shallowing centres on the entrance, with only shallow penetration. It isn't just using less of a big toy, and it isn't another name for clit stimulation.

The term appeared in a 2021 study of how women find vaginal penetration pleasurable. The researchers described things people already reported enjoying. They didn't invent a new body part, or discover a trick that you're now failing at.

That's worth saying, because when a sexual term starts doing the rounds online, it tends to arrive with homework. A name should help you explain what you want. That's all this one is for.

Less depth doesn't mean less pleasure

Perhaps you love the feeling of being stretched just a little, right at the entrance, and then again, and then again. Perhaps deeper movement distracts you from the part you were enjoying. Or perhaps it changes depending on the day, the toy or how turned on you are.

None of that means you're settling for the mild option. Being teased with just the tip, until you're pushing your hips up and begging for it, isn't anybody's idea of mild. A partner who hears "keep it shallow" and does just that is far more useful than one who takes every request as encouragement to do more.

There's real confidence in knowing what you want and asking for it. You don't have to apologise because your favourite sensation sounds less dramatic than somebody's online description.

Say where you want it

"Stay right near the entrance" is clearer than "do that thing from before". Your partner may remember a completely different thing from before. There may have been three toys and a cat interruption. Help them out. "Just the tip. Slowly. Don't you dare go further until I say" gets the message across and is very likely to go down well.

You can ask for less depth, a pause or a change without making it a complaint. If you're the one listening, make the change first. A defence of your previous technique isn't the sexy response you think it is. Our guide to communicating during sex has more on keeping feedback easy.

Choose a position and a toy you can control

Being able to hold a comfortable position matters more than choosing a dramatic one. On top is a favourite, because you decide how far anything goes, right down to the millimetre. Our guide to positions that make depth easier to control covers the practical options.

With a toy, go for something you can hold comfortably and angle precisely. The Fun Factory Limba Flex S is a slim 12.2 cm with a smooth tip and a bendable shaft that holds whatever curve you give it, so you can set the angle to suit that first bit of you.

The b-Yours Sweet n' Small is an even simpler option at 3.75 inches of insertable length, with a suction cup base. Stick it on a chair or the shower wall, and you can lower yourself onto just as much of it as you want and not a millimetre more. Our dildo size guide helps separate overall size from the amount you really want to use.

Your clit can still join in

Enjoying sensation near the entrance doesn't mean your clit has been given the night off. Teasing with a toy just inside while a thumb or a small vibrator works on your clit is a very quick way to lose your ability to form sentences. That's a choice, not an instruction. You don't have to keep adding things until the bed looks like a showroom.

A little suitable lube helps reduce uncomfortable friction, and water-based is the safe bet with silicone toys. If something hurts, stop. Repeated pain deserves proper attention from your doctor, not a new technique name.

Keep the preference, skip the performance

You can love shallow contact for a while, want something completely different later, or decide it isn't your thing. There's no minimum time, required orgasm or correct expression to pull.

The best part of shallowing is being able to say what you mean. If the entrance is where you want it, say so. Deeper can wait its bloody turn, and it'll appreciate the wait.

More about choosing what feels good

Read why penetration alone may not be your route to orgasm, or try choosing a first vibrator around the feeling you want.